How to Regulate Your Nervous System When You’re Stressed and Overwhelmed

There are times when I know exactly what I’m stressed about, and somehow knowing the answer doesn’t make my body feel any better.

My thoughts start going in circles. My head feels heavy. My body feels tense. Sometimes I can feel stress physically before I’ve even fully admitted to myself that I’m overwhelmed.

And then there’s that awful feeling of knowing you should probably calm down while having absolutely no idea how to make yourself calm down.

I’ve been there more times than I’d like to admit.

I’m still learning how to regulate my stress. I don’t have some perfect routine that keeps me calm all the time, and I don’t think I ever will.

What I have learned is that sometimes stress needs to be understood before it can be released.

Sometimes there’s a problem that needs your attention. Sometimes there’s something you can do about it. Sometimes there isn’t.

Sometimes you need to talk to somebody.

Sometimes you need to journal.

Sometimes you need to cry.

And sometimes you need to accept that you’re in a difficult season and stop beating yourself up for not magically feeling better.

That’s what I want to talk about here.

Because “nervous system regulation” is everywhere right now, but I don’t want this to be another article telling you that you need the perfect morning routine or some five-minute hack to reset yourself.

I want to talk about what it actually looks like to feel the feeling, understand it, and figure out what to do with it.

1. First, Understand What Your Stress Is Trying to Tell You

I used to think the goal was to make the uncomfortable feeling go away as quickly as possible.

Now I think the first question should be:

What is this feeling trying to tell me?

Sometimes I’m stressed because I have too much on my plate.

Sometimes I’m worried about something that might happen.

Sometimes I’m upset about something that happened weeks ago.

Sometimes several smaller things have piled on top of each other until my whole life feels heavier than it actually is.

And sometimes I’m just going through a hard season.

That last one matters.

We’re not all walking around with the same capacity for stress. Something that feels manageable to one person can completely overwhelm someone else. I don’t think it’s helpful to judge ourselves for that.

Instead, I try to get specific.

What am I actually feeling?

When did this start?

What was happening around that time?

Has something been bothering me repeatedly?

Is there a fear underneath all of this?

When I’m overwhelmed, I’ve found that putting a timeline to what I’m experiencing can help me stop thinking, “Why am I like this?” and start thinking, “Okay. I’ve actually been carrying a lot.”

That shift matters.

Psychology has a name for some of what’s happening here: cognitive appraisal. The way we interpret a situation can affect how stressful it feels and how we respond to it. That doesn’t mean you can think your way out of every difficult situation. It means there can be value in understanding what you’re actually responding to instead of treating every uncomfortable feeling as evidence that something is wrong with you.

2. Figure Out What You Can Actually Control

One of the most helpful questions I ask myself is:

What can I actually do about this?

If there’s something I can change, I want to work on it.

If there’s something I can influence, I want to figure out what my next step is.

And if there’s something I genuinely cannot control, I have to learn how to accept that.

That doesn’t mean I like it.

It doesn’t mean I stop caring.

It means I stop spending all of my energy trying to control an outcome that isn’t mine to control.

There’s something surprisingly empowering about this.

When I can separate the part I can’t control from the part I can, I don’t have to keep carrying the entire problem around in my head.

I can say:

Okay. This part is scary, and I can’t control it.

But what can I do?

Maybe I can prepare.

Maybe I can ask for help.

Maybe I can make a different decision.

Maybe I can take one small step.

And sometimes the answer really is, There’s nothing I can do right now.

That can be hard to accept, but acceptance isn't the same thing as giving up.

Sometimes accepting what you cannot change is what gives you enough room to deal with what you can.

Problem-solving and acceptance are both used in evidence-informed approaches to managing psychological stress. The important part is matching the strategy to the situation instead of trying to “solve” something that isn’t actually solvable.

3. Learn the Difference Between Processing and Rumination

This one has been a big realization for me.

Sometimes I think I’m dealing with a problem when I’m actually just thinking about it over and over.

There’s a difference.

Processing might sound like:

What happened?

Why did this bother me?

What am I afraid of?

Is there something I need to do?

What can I learn from this?

Rumination is more like getting stuck in the same mental loop without actually moving anywhere.

Why did this happen?

What if it happens again?

What if I should have done something differently?

Why am I still thinking about this?

And then you think about why you’re thinking about it.

I know this cycle.

One question I’ve started asking myself is:

Am I working through this, or am I replaying it?

If I’m replaying it, I usually need to change something.

Maybe I need to write it down.

Maybe I need to talk to someone.

Maybe I need to make a decision.

Maybe I need to take a break and come back to it later.

But I don’t need to give the same thought another three hours of my life just because it showed up again.

4. Get the Thoughts Out of Your Head

This is one of the reasons I love journaling.

I don’t always journal because I have something profound to say. Sometimes I journal because my brain is crowded and I need somewhere to put everything.

For me, journaling is less about writing the perfect reflection and more about confronting what I’m feeling instead of letting it quietly run my life.

Sometimes I need to vent.

Sometimes I need to figure out when something started.

Sometimes I need to admit that I’m scared.

Sometimes I need to realize that the thing I keep thinking about isn’t even the real issue.

And sometimes I just need to write until I finally understand what I’m trying to say.

There is some research behind expressive writing, although I think the internet tends to oversell it. A meta-analysis of 31 experimental studies found a small overall benefit for symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression, with the effects becoming more apparent over time rather than necessarily immediately after writing.

So I’m not going to tell you that journaling will magically calm you down.

But if writing helps you understand what you’re carrying, that can be useful.

If you’re overwhelmed, try asking yourself:

What am I feeling?

When did I first notice this?

What keeps coming back to my mind?

Is there something I need to do, or something I need to accept?

What would make this feel a little lighter?

You don't have to answer everything.

Sometimes one honest answer is enough.

5. Let Other People Help You Carry It

Sometimes you need another person.

Not because they have the solution, but because being alone inside your own thoughts can make everything feel bigger.

I have friends who know when I’m overthinking. They know when I’m being overly negative. They also know when I genuinely need to be heard.

Sometimes I’ll ask, “Can I complain for a minute? I don't want advice.”

And sometimes that's exactly what I need.

Other times, I want their opinion.

Sometimes I want someone to tell me if I’m looking at something realistically.

And sometimes someone who loves me reminds me of something I’ve already survived that I completely forgot about.

There is something powerful about having people in your life who can say, “Girl, I hear you. That sounds hard. But remember who you are.”

Social support is consistently associated with better psychological wellbeing and healthier stress coping, which is one reason connection is such a common part of evidence-informed approaches to stress management.

But there’s a difference between support and expecting your friends to be your therapists.

Your friends can listen.

They can encourage you.

They can give you perspective.

They can sit with you in something difficult.

And sometimes you need a therapist, counselor, or another qualified professional who can offer a different kind of support.

Knowing which one you need is part of taking care of yourself too.

6. When the Stress Is in Your Body, Help Your Body Too

Sometimes you can understand exactly why you’re stressed and still feel terrible.

That happens to me.

I can journal about it. Pray about it. Talk to somebody. Figure out what the problem is.

And sometimes my body is still like, Girl, we're not done yet.

That’s when I pay attention to the physical side of stress.

One of the simplest things to try is slow breathing. Research suggests that certain controlled breathing techniques can reduce psychological and physiological stress responses, although different breathing methods don’t all have the same evidence behind them.

I also think progressive muscle relaxation is worth knowing about. It basically involves intentionally tensing and relaxing muscle groups so you become more aware of where you’re holding tension. Research reviews have found benefits for stress and anxiety, although the strength of the evidence varies across studies.

And then there’s movement.

For me, that can be as simple as going for a walk or getting out of the environment I’ve been sitting in.

You don’t have to turn stress relief into another workout you have to perform perfectly.

Sometimes your body just needs a change.

7. Know the Difference Between Regulation and Avoidance

I’m going to be honest:

I love avoiding a problem.

Sometimes I want to do literally anything else.

And sometimes taking a break is exactly what I need.

The problem is when the break becomes avoidance.

You stop thinking about it for a little while.

You feel better.

Then the problem comes back.

So you avoid it again.

Eventually, the thing you’ve been avoiding feels even bigger.

That’s why I’ve started paying attention to whether something is giving me temporary relief or actually helping me move forward.

A shower might help me calm down.

A walk might help me clear my head.

A good cry might help me release some emotion.

Watching something funny might give me a much-needed break.

None of those things are bad.

But if I use them to avoid something I know I need to face, eventually I have to come back to it.

Sometimes regulation gives you enough space to face the problem. Avoidance keeps you from facing it.

Those can look very similar in the moment.

8. You Don't Have to Beat Yourself Up for Having a Hard Season

This is probably the part I wish someone had told me sooner.

Nothing is necessarily wrong with you because you're having a hard time calming down.

The world is a lot right now.

People are dealing with grief, uncertainty, money problems, family problems, work stress, relationship problems, health concerns, and a million smaller things that can pile up until you don't recognize yourself anymore.

Sometimes you're in one of those seasons.

And I don't think we give ourselves enough permission to admit that.

You don't have to pretend you're fine because you know how to journal.

You don't have to breathe deeply and suddenly be over something.

You don't have to positive-think your way out of grief.

You don't have to solve every feeling.

Sometimes you just have to let yourself say:

This is hard.

And then ask yourself:

What do I need right now?

Maybe it's action.

Maybe it's rest.

Maybe it's support.

Maybe it's prayer.

Maybe it's a good cry.

Maybe it's accepting that you cannot change what happened.

Maybe you don't know yet.

That's okay too.

What I'm Still Learning

I'm still learning what helps me before I get completely overwhelmed.

Sleep matters.

Prayer matters.

Journaling matters.

Talking to my people matters.

Getting outside matters.

Doing something for myself matters.

Sometimes I need to get out of my own head.

Sometimes I need to sit quietly long enough to hear what I'm actually thinking.

And sometimes I don't do any of those things because I'm too overwhelmed.

I'm learning to have a little more grace for that too.

I don't think the goal is to become a woman who never gets stressed.

I think the goal is to become a woman who knows herself well enough to recognize when something is wrong, doesn't immediately shame herself for feeling it, and knows how to start figuring out what she needs.

What to Try the Next Time You're Overwhelmed

You don't need to do everything.

Start here.

If your thoughts won't stop: write them down and ask whether you're processing something or ruminating.

If there's a problem you can change: figure out one next step instead of trying to solve your entire life at once.

If there's something you can't control: practice acceptance instead of spending all night trying to force a different outcome.

If your body feels tense: try slow breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or some movement.

If you feel alone in it: call somebody you trust and tell them whether you want advice or just someone to listen.

If you keep struggling: get professional support. You don't have to wait until you're falling apart.

And if journaling helps you, write.

If prayer helps you, pray.

If crying helps you release something, cry.

If you need to take a shower and sit there for ten minutes with the lights low, do that.

Take care of yourself without turning self-care into another thing you can fail at.

My Honest Take

I think we've gotten so used to wellness telling us how to optimize ourselves that we've forgotten how to simply be human.

Sometimes you're going to be stressed.

Sometimes you're going to overthink.

Sometimes you're going to have a season where you're not your most productive, positive, put-together self.

That doesn't mean you've failed.

And it doesn't mean you need to fix yourself before you're allowed to feel okay.

I'm still learning how to regulate my stress.

I'm still learning when I need to take action and when I need to accept something.

I'm still learning when I need to talk, when I need to journal, when I need to pray, and when I just need to cry and go to sleep.

But I'm learning that I don't have to fight myself while I'm going through something difficult.

I can feel the feeling.

I can understand it.

I can deal with what I can deal with.

I can accept what I can't.

And then I can keep going.

Because you can do hard things.

You don't have to do them perfectly.

You don't have to feel strong every day.

You just have to keep showing up for yourself.

And if you're in a hard season right now, I hope you know this:

You are not broken because you're having a hard time.

Maybe you're just carrying a lot.

Put some of it down where you can.

Ask for help where you need it.

Give yourself some grace where you can't.

And then take the next step.

You don't have to figure out the whole thing tonight.

A Note on Stress and Mental Health

This article is about everyday stress, emotional overwhelm, and strategies that may help you work through difficult feelings. It is not a diagnosis or treatment plan. If you're experiencing severe or persistent anxiety, panic, depression, or other symptoms that are interfering with your daily life, consider talking with a qualified mental health professional. And if you're experiencing new, severe, or concerning physical symptoms, don't automatically assume they're caused by stress or “nervous system dysregulation.” seek appropriate mental or medical care when needed. You don't have to go through a hard season alone, and you don't have to have everything figured out to deserve support. 

Sources & Research

• Guo, L. et al. (2023). The delayed, durable effect of expressive writing on depression, anxiety and stress: A meta-analytic review of studies with long-term follow-ups. British Journal of Clinical Psychology.

• Muhammad Khir, S. et al. (2024). Efficacy of Progressive Muscle Relaxation in Adults for Stress, Anxiety, and Depression: A Systematic Review. Psychology Research and Behavior Management.

• Gerolymos, C. et al. (2026). Cognitive and affective effects of L-Theanine: a systematic review and meta-analysis of 31 randomized trials. Molecular Psychiatry.

• Research on controlled breathing and physiological stress responses, including a 2026 study examining box breathing and prolonged exhalation.

• World Health Organization resources on evidence-informed stress-management and psychological self-help approaches, including grounding, acceptance, problem-solving, and social support.

 

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